As we look into this topic I’d like to begin by telling a true story; something that happened to me in my ministry some years ago. I, as a pastor went to visit the man that led the singing in our church. As I went into his home, he wasn’t there. His wife told me to come in, he’d be back in a few minutes. I went in and sat down in the Livingroom. At that time, she, his wife had two other ladies visiting her and, her children were home as well.

While I sit there listening to those ladies, the youngest daughter walked into the room, as we spoke to each other she asked me if I knew she was getting married? I replied, no! Well, let me asked you a question. She said OK. I asked, can you give me a biblical definition of a wife? She replied, NO! I said, then how are you going to be what you can’t define? I then looked at the ladies sitting in the room and asked them, can you define wife in a biblical sense. They all shook their heads in the negative. About that time, her husband walked in and the conversation was over.

Of course, we could do the same thing with the word husband, couldn’t we? Both of these words have a biblical definition but, you can’t simply look in God’s word and find that definition like you can a Webster’s Dictionary. Also, if you look in a dictionary for the definition you’ll simply see a worldly definition.

Spiritually speaking we must have a spirit filled desire to know and a great desire to find and live out the definition that God’s word gives us. As born- again believers we can’t simply take the world’s definition for any word that has a biblical background. Just for the desire to teach, let’s look at two words that we can mention. (Jew and Church). You can’t just say you are going to join either of these two words and become a member. You must be born a Jew meaning you father and mother are Jews to be a Jew. You might say you joined the Jewish faith but that will never make you a Jew.

The Church is the very same way. You can join and be baptized in any Church building but, you must be born into God’s family to be a member of the Church, (Ye Must Be Born Again)!

One of the greatest reasons we have such a high divorce rate in our country, even among people that are members of Churches is because the marriage that takes place is almost always carried out according to the world’s design or as the world defines marriage, neither the man nor the woman has any real idea what their responsibilities are beyond that ceremony.

Often as church members we have the very same problem. We join a Church and have no idea what we are saying we are willing to do. Also, I might add, we can’t if we are not truly born again at that time. We must be taught the concept of (allowing Christ to be formed in us) as Church members, as newly born babes in Christ just as we teach any other physical child that is born into a fleshly union. The only difference is we’re now teaching the spiritual aspects of our lives to a babe that is born into God’s family. So, let’s get into seeking to define what the title of this article is all about.

In beginning, I’d like to show you something we see in:

1 Corinthians 2:12- 1 Corinthians 3: 2

BUT THE NATURAL MAN RECEIVETH NOT THE THINGS OF THE SPIRIT OF GOD: FOR THEY ARE FOOLISHNESS UNTO HIM: NEITHER CAN HE KNOW THEM, BECAUSE THEY ARE SPIRITUALLY DISCERNED. (15) BUT HE THAT IS SPIRITUAL JUDGETH ALL THINGS, YET HE HIMSELF IS JUDGED OF NO MAN. (16) FOR WHO HATH KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE MAY INSTRUCT HIM? BUT WE HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST.

(1) AND I, BRETHREN, COULD NOT SPEAK UNTO YOU AS UNTO SPIRITUAL, BUT AS UNTO CARNEL, EVEN AS UNTO BABES IN CHRIST. (2) I HAVE FED YOU WITH MILK, AND NOT MEAT: FOR HITHERTO YE WERE NOT ABLE TO BEAR IT, NEITHER YET NOW ARE YE ABLE.

We see in these verses four different possibilities for any person to be. Every person on this earth fits into one of these. I’ll take the time to point these out. First, there’s the (natural person). This means that person is not born again, he or she is just like they were born into this world. Secondly, we see a (babe). This means that they are born again but hasn’t had the time to grow spiritually. Thirdly, there’s a (carnal person). This means that they are born again but show no evidence of desiring to walk or be taught spiritual lessons. Then we see the (spiritual person) meaning that this person is sold out with a great desire to serve and be used of God’s Spirit and that he is someone that can be used of God’s Spirit to teach others.

So, let’s consider something. If we as parents,; remain in our natural state, babes in Christ or carnal how will we ever be able to teach our girls and boys to be fit for marriage? That is; as defined spiritually from the word of God. Do you see the dilemma here? Even if we are very spiritual, at our spiritual best, we are still seeking to teach (fleshly beings) to be what God expects them to be however, if they can see (Christ in us) they at least have a better chance in their lives with a better understanding of spiritual life.

Did you know that God commanded a man to leave his father and mother and to cleave to his wife? But he doesn’t say that to the wife?

Did you know that God commands a man to love his wife as Christ loved the Church? But, nowhere in scripture is a wife commanded to love her husband?

Now, while we are speaking of this; the Bible does instruct the (Older Women) to teach the (younger women) how to love their husbands. How would that be, I mean how does a woman love her husband?

All these things can be taught in another lesson. However, when the question is asked; Am I half the wife I expect mine to be, can you see the importance of understanding how God defines these things? This question is pointed toward men however, in a spiritual sense every woman, man, wife or husband has to understand their spiritual role and be taught spiritually to become all we can in Christ Jesus.

In a physical sense; it can be more difficult for a husband to be submissive to God than it would be for a wife to be submissive to her husband. Why would I say that? Because a wife can hear her husband in an audible voice when the husband has the responsibility to hear the Spirit of God speak to his heart.

However, the husband can read God’s word and be taught to act like Jesus Christ instructed him to as he surrenders his life to God’s will. look at these verses:

Ephesians 5:25-27

HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, EVEN AS CHRIST ALSO LOVED THE CHURCH, AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT: (26) THAT HE MIGHT SANCTIFY IT AND CLEANSE IT WITH THE WASHING OF WATER BY THE WORD. (27) THAT HE MIGHT PRESENT IT TO HIMSELF A GLORIOUS CHURCH, NIOT HAVING SPOT, OR WRINKLE, OR ANY SUCH THING, BUT THAT IT SHOULD BE HOLY AND WITHOUT BLEMISH.

In these verses, isn’t he telling us simply to be examples of Jesus Christ as husbands? So, just how did Jesus Christ love the Church? Let’s go back to the verse I quoted about a man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife.

Genesis 2:24 – Matthew 19:5 – Mark 10:7

THEREFORE SHALL A MAN LEAVE HIS FATHER AND HIS MOTHER, AND SHALL CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE: AND THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH.

So, why would the Bible say this to the man and not the woman? Let’s look at you as a born-again believer. If you make a choice to do something that is not pleasing to Christ, does he leave you or stay with you, go where you go? For instance: if I decide to go to a beer hall and get drunk, am I not taking Christ into that place with me, even against his will? Even far less than that, if I choose to tell a lie, have a sinful thought; is Christ still with me?

In the spiritual sense; i, as a man was courted by the spirit of God, he asked me to be United with him and I submitted my will to him, I gave myself to him in spiritual marriage. Now, Jesus Christ is asking me to be like him, not me, expecting him to be more like me.

Jesus Christ came into this sin cursed world and took the most sinful of wives and vowed never to leave or forsake her. So, let’s consider how Christ loved this bride he chose to be his own. When we consider the verse where he tells us to (love our wives as he loved the Church), do you realize that Christ never demanded one thing of his wife? As we study his word, what he does is speak truth from his heart, it’s completely up to us whether we yield ourselves to his will or not.

In scripture, the Bible tells our wives to submit their selves to their husbands, that something they have to do, it’s not up to husbands to demand that action. Remember the older women to teach the younger women (how to) love their husbands?

(Titus 2:1-4)

BUT SPEAK THOU THINGS THAT BECOME SOUND DOCTRINE: (2) THAT THE AGED MEN BE SOBER, GRAVE, TEMPERATE, SOUND IN FAITH, IN CHARITY, IN PATIENCE. (3) THAT THE AGED WOMEN LIKEWISE, THAT THEY BE IN BEHAVIOR AS BECOMETH HOLINESS, NOT FALSE ACCURERS, NOT GIVEN TO MUCH WINE, TEACHERS OF GOOD THINGS; (4) THAT THEY MAY TEACH YOUNG WOMEN TO BE SOBER, TO LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS, TO LOVE THEIR CHILDREN, (5) TO BE DISCREET, CHASTE, KEEPERS AT HOME, GOOD, OBEDIENT TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS, THAT THE WORD OF GOD BE NOT BLASPHEMED. (6) YOUNG MEN LIKEWISE EXHORT TO BE SOBER MINDED.

The woman in any Church has a responsibility. However, it’s not up to the husband to demand but rather simply to speak his heart. Christ also never showed anger toward his bride, even when we as his bride are far less than perfect, he still shows forth love toward us.. He led his wife by example never dictated or forced her in any way.

The Bible says that (CHRIST GAVE HIMSELF FOR HER). The picture there is that Christ willingly gave his physical life and was resurrected with new life for his bride. Are you, as a husband willing to die to yourself and give yourself to Christ for your bride? I, as a husband have made this statement: a man that becomes a husband by choice takes on one of the most tremendous challenges that he will ever take on in his life! (By definition) he is saying that he is willing to offer himself to his bride and them wait patiently until the same desire he ha to be subjected to Christ is formed in his bride.

The secret of a spiritual education is within the willingness of older believers to teach. There’s an educational mindset that teaches this: (you teach some by what you say, more by what you do but, most by what you are)!

Personally, I don’t think we do enough teaching as parents about the spiritual aspects of our lives and their very important responsibilities. This I understand; It takes time for husbands to learn the art of hearing and obeying the spirit of God as he speaks just as it takes time for a wife to learn to hear and obey her husband.

When we consider what we must do as a husband or wife then we must be very careful who we choose to be either a wife or husband. However, we very seldom hear any instruction on what we must be willing to sacrifice to be a husband or wife. Spiritually speaking, didn’t I give up my right to be who I am when I became born again as a man, husband? In the same light, doesn’t a woman give up her right to be who she is when she chooses to be married to a man? If either one of these things never happen, aren’t we still of this world?

The very day I was born again, my last name changed to Christ! I gave my life to him. The day a woman marries a man, doesn’t her last name change? Not his? We know that it takes time for the change necessary to happen but, are we at least willing to work to that end? Look at these verses:

Galatians 4:19-20

MY LITTLE CHILDREN, OF WHOM I TRAVAIL IN BIRTH AGAIN UNTIL CHRIST BE FORMED IN YOU, (20) I DESIRE TO BE PERSENT WITH YOU NOW, AND TO CHANGE MY VOICE; FOR I STAND IN DOUBT OF YOU.

What we see in these verses is the Apostle Paul; the man that started the church of Galatia desiring to verbally speak to them that they might hear the concern in his voice. In his mind he’s saying that he stands in doubt of them because he doesn’t see the change in their lives as far as daily yielding themselves to the will of Christ. If you’ll notice, he makes the statement that he, as a man that truly desires to see them grow in Christ. He hurts within himself because of what he hears about their actions. The Church, the Pastor is very relative to a husband and his wife. It’s very understandable that growth has to take place, a price has to be paid as we die to self but, we must be willing to do just that, (die to ourselves)

In all that we are saying whether it’s a church, a wife or a husband. if we don’t at least consider this, aren’t we still of this world? Only you can see your own heart and know whether you are all you desire to be in Christ or not.

Am I, as a husband half the wife I expect mine to be? Am I willing to die to myself, yielding myself to Christ?

Jesus Christ once asked Peter three times ( Peter, do you love me )? Peter would say ( yes lord, you know I love you )! ( John 21:15-17 )

The problem was that Peter was loving Jesus in a way that the world defines love, Jesus knew that. It would take time and God’s Spirit within Peter for him to understand ( LOVE ) as defined by God.

Consider this: When it comes to husbands and Jesus Christ or, wives and their husbands; often we are still using the word ( LOVE ) as defined by the world and not as defined by God’s word.

I’d like to share a personal story with you that I seen happen with my mom and dad.

My mom always carried my sisters and I to Church when we all were children. However, my dad never went. He had a problem with alcohol while his children were growing up.

At one time my mom had the office of Sunday school superintendent in the Church we attended. As time moved forward, the children grew up, married and some of us attended a very spirit filled Church. Not long after we started attending it, my dad began attending , my mom started coming and my dad would come with her. At some point, they joined, my dad was born again and started to grow spiritually.

One Sunday night our Church had a business meeting, the pastor was leading the meeting. I was sitting where I could see both my mom and dad. My mom started to raise her hand to be recognized. My dad gently laid his hand on her hand and said: I got this!

My mom never spoke but, boy was she hot. This made her very angry.

I have no idea what happened on their way home that night or for the next few days but, Wednesday night mom didn’t come to Church. I asked my dad about her. His reply was that she decided to stay home tonight.

The next night I went to their house to see her. Dad was in the house. When I went in mom was sitting in the living room. I told her I missed her at Church the night before. She didn’t even respond.

I felt that I knew what her problem was, she was upset at dad because he took control ( shall we say he took authority over her )?

I looked at her and spoke in an stern and powerful voice. Mom, I’ve seen the time when you would’ve given your right arm to see my dad, your husband take a leadership role in Church. Now that he’s trying; you’re going to get angry and quit? Well, you just sit right there, stay home and quit? That’s fine! I got up and walked out!

Sunday morning she was back at Church.Now, I won’t say that my dad handled that situation right and maybe I didn’t either, however it brought about spiritual growth in all three of us.

1 Peter 3:1